Rachel, My Son
i want you to know that i am hiding something from you
» Why I will never get the depo shot again...

My experience has been really similar to these women’s… I am a giant ball of volatile emotions and I’m just done with it.

You know… after two more months of waiting to switch back to pills…  Fuck this shit.

Browsing the New Orleans Craigslist pages to scope the job market. I’m bouncing back and forth between tearing up in frustration and laughing at the absurd requirements for some jobs. Administrative Assistant for Life it is then.

I had a series of (drunken) vivid dreams last night that were really intense.

One involved a shooting that starred people I went to high school with (and my Leave It To Beaver type high school friend trying to stop it and getting shot in the process). I was ducking behind a table to hide. This is most certainly caused by my recent viewing of the school shooting scene in American Horror Story.

Another dream had me caught in some kind of nightmare about dyslexia or a learning disability or something. I had my first day of school at PCC and rode my bike allll the way to campus. Only to find out that my first class was on a different classes closer to my home. So I used a futuristic scooter to get there by freeway. Once there, I couldn’t put together how I could look up the class to see where it was because I’d forgotten what the class was and didn’t know the teacher. No one was helping me. I couldn’t use my problem solving skills to figure it out and I just ran around the school, looking in classroom windows, crying in frustration. And after I was 30 minutes late, I got a text message from the teacher indicating that I’d gotten an F on the first quiz.

Yeesh. Talk about tension.

I got the Depo shot a week ago and feel like I’m dying (frequently on the edge of anxiety attacks). Do not like.

Freaked out about the DISTURBING SIDE EFFECT REPORTED BY MANY about weight gain, so I’m paranoidingly (?) going to up my work out regimen and watch what I eat more strictly. Cause it’s not like THAT’S gonna cause me any stress or anything.

Also am going to take a break from pop music (mostly) and listen to chiller music. Let’s see if that has any positive effects on my self-esteem and makes me think less about sexuality and more about badass tunes.

Aaaaaaaaand scene.

You’ll never leave where you are until you decide where you’d rather be.
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